Watching the Foos

I'll be hitting the Foo Fighters concert tonight with my brother and his new beaux. I'll try to post some comments on it later tonight.

Later!

mike

Juno After Party

I just got home from watching Juno with KD and her friend whose name, I'm embarrassed to say, eludes me at the moment. Originally a different person from work was supposed to accompany us but backed out at the last minute, so I guess KD felt that we needed to be chaperoned so as not to give off the wrong impression.

How quaint.

Still, we had fun. I was a little worried, at first, that I was going to get stood up but they showed up at the last minute (a lot of last minute stuff happening tonight, at least I was there 20 minutes early) and we managed to hit our seats only a few minutes before the film started.

Thoughts on the movie? It was just what the doctor ordered. Quiet, simple, funny and true. Ellen Page was wonderful as the lead and all of her supporting cast really stepped up to the plate on this one. It was nice to see JK Simmons and Allison Janney as Juno's mom and dad, both playing roles I'm unaccustomed to seeing them in, and others like Michael Cera, Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner all gave their characters a reality that helped make this story a top shelf enterprise.

The only thing I had any problem with was Juno's intimate knowledge and preference for music and films of old, the kinds of stuff I and my ilk grew up with. It speaks more to the age of the writers and producers of movies and television that most of these kids are fans of Iggy Pop and The Clash and yell things like, "Thundercats, go!" than it does to the youth of America. You watch shows like The O.C. and they're more knowledgable about shit I listened to when I was growing up than I am. I mean, I loved The Beatles, The Doors, The Animals and other '60s and '70s bands when I was in high school, and knew a thing or two about the era, but these days, if you're young and on TV or in movies, you listened to the formative music of the '70s and '80s. This I can buy one or two times, but every 'cool' kid in the industry has this quality, so I'm just calling bullshit.

But, enough with the complaining.

Thoughts on the company? It was the first time out with poeple from work where I was the instigator. I've been asked to attend events where people from work are in attendance, but nothing this one-on-one. Any other invite I've generated has been solidly shot down, so this was a nice change. KD was good company and her friend stayed quiet and on the sidelines, mostly by choice because I did try and engage her, she just seemed to prefer sitting the conversation out. Everyone agreed that we should do this again sometime when the mood strikes us, so we'll see what happens there.

'Abby' was also invited to attend but refused on the basis that she had no interest in the movie. That's fair enough but it would have been nice to see her come out, anyway. Just for the additional company, if for no other reason. KD and I had a short conversation regarding 'Abby'where she pretty much agreed that she should have attended and pointed out that she's got some issues which I won't get into here. Needless to say, 'Abby' is a little on the negative side personality-wise and there have been many of us who have tried to include her socially and try to have some fun with her, but she's not really having it. And you can't force a person to lighten up unless you're living in a Burgess novel.

Anyway, that was the evening in a nutshell. It was nice to get out for a bit, something I don't do enough of these days, and the movie was a pleasure so, all-in-all, a pretty good night.

Later!

Feeding the Urge

I'm going to Juno with a friend from work tonight (we'll call her KD), so I wasn't sure if I was going to have time afterwards to post something. If this seems hurried or cut short in any way, that's probably the reason.

Anyway, I gotta say, the urge to write something is starting to hit a boiling point. Everything I read, or watch or hear is hitting that stimulation button in the back of my head which has been buzzing non-stop for a few weeks now. I've told the wife and others how I'm feeling wrestless and think I would like to finally take another crack at making a short film, or possibly write some short stories based on characters I've created for a longer prose piece that is taking forever to materialize, but something keeps stopping me from taking that final step.

My guess, based on past experience, is that it's fear that's stopping me. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of not living up to my own, or anyone else's, expectations...I dunno. But I'm pretty sure whatever is stopping me is fear based. Whenever I sit down at a keyboard, for whatever reason (blogging included), I get that clenched up feeling where my brain is telling me I don't know where to start, my body is telling me I have better things to be doing (usually sleep or work), and my gut is telling me to put off today what can be achieved tomorrow. It frustartes the hell out of me, but I'm not entirely sure how to crack it.

I do try and keep the writing muscles from atrophying completely. I manage to get some blog posts out there and I go back and find old scripts that could be tweaked, but they seem like hollow victories because nobody reads the former and the latter are inevitably adaptations of other people's stories. I have a pretty decent version of Neil Gaiman's "Fear of Falling" and another script I call "365 Days" which is based on an Evan Dorkin story, neither of which I have the rights to or the burden of coming up with the story in the first place. The one story I have that I did create from whole cloth has no name to speak of and was filmed once, disastrously, as a short called Dead End.

Dead End featured terrible production values, unforgivable sound design, poor acting and, irony of ironies, was entered into a film festival and even shown to hundreds of people in a local theatre. I guess I'm the one who entered it, and myself, into the festival so I only have myself to blame. Still, as much as I learned from the experience of putting that movie together, it also proved to be a defining moment in regards to my current situation of non-activity.

Coming up with new ideas is proving to be a difficult thing to overcome. In fact, I think Dead End was the last time I was able to put something together with a beginning, middle and end. I can generate characters, no problem, but piecing together a plot is like chinese water torture for me right now. The short story I wanted to do with my character Mark has him going garage saleing one Saturday morning and finds him running across a young woman whose fancy he seems to catch. That's where I stall. The story he originally comes from has more of a structure than that.

Maybe I need a collaborator. I generally do okay when there's someone to bounce ideas off of, but that also creates a problem if there's significant disagreement with your partner. I had one such disagreement on Dead End which began as a writing partnership and ended with me doing the bulk of the story and dialogue with some tweaks contributed by my partner which I never truly embraced. At a certain point during the process she took the high road and just said, 'you know what, it's your movie so you just write it and I'll stick to producing and acting in it'. Looking back, I'm glad that's how it ended up, so what does that say about my desire to collaborate?

The feeling is very reminiscient of when I liked a girl in high school but didn't have the guts to ask her out. I just pined from afar, often befriending the girl in question but never taking it beyond that. That's the unfulfillment I feel when I sit in front of the monitor, the sketchbook or the notepad these days. I'm in love with the characters, the idea and the potential of what may come out of the experience but taking that final leap...

I'm listening to Black Rebel Motorcycle Club right now and in the track playing he sings "I'm a complicated situation" which I think I can relate to right now.

I think I'll leave the rumination there and go get ready for my movie date.

Later!

Visiting the Southland

I'm going to change it up a bit here and not talk about my sad-sack problems and talk about the new Richard Kelly film, Southland Tales, instead.

Now, I've been waiting for this movie for some time (many of us who watched and loved Donnie Darko have been) and I have to say that after months and months of watching it get beat up by the media and go through recutting and release dates being pushed back and none of my local cineplexes running the film, the DVD has foinally arrived to mixed response. In some ways the movie is exactly what I expected and so many ways it is very much not. The trademarked Richard Kellyisms are all there (the satire, the sci-fi, the high-concept, ensemble cast and the socio-political commentary) but they are organized in such a way as to make the film almost totally impenetrable. I read the three graphic novels that comprise the prequel trilogy and still had a hard time following certain sequences. Sure, it sort of comes together in the end in a somewhat understandable manner, but on the whole it feels like the movie fails in paying off the 144 minute running time.

I knew going in that I would have to do some work on my own, that I would have to read the prequel trilogy and hit the website and dig through additional sources to fully appreciate the movie, but on a basic sit down and watch a show for a couple of hours level, Southland alienates the viewer almost from the outset with its wealth of backstory that you're never really given a glimpse of, the awkward dialogue being delivered by Dwayne Johnson and Sarah Michelle Geller, and the often improvisational nature of Kelly's shooting style (I don't know how much of it was improved, but seeing as how half the cast are ex-SNL alumn, I'm thinking a bunch).

Is there method to the madness? Perhaps. Is this gleanable upon a single viewing? Certainly not.

I want to like this movie, and I'm willing to put the work into it to see where it takes me as a viewer and as someone who appreciated the technical side of filmmaking, but I'm not reccomending this one for everyone. Unless you're already a Kelly fan, this may not be appropos for you.

Night.

Nothing In Common?

Is it possible to have so little in common with someone, to the point of combustion, yet still love them and want to be with them?

That's the sort of predicament I find myself in these days. My relationship with 'The Wife' has always been a tempestuous one (hell, it's where a lot of the so-called heat came from initially) but it seems that in recent months things have started to decline rapidly. We seem to be unable to find anything that we want to do together, or that we even enjoy doing together. We're generally much happier if we find our own thing to do and find our own corners of the house and keep to ourselves. We're constantly rubbing each other the wrong way and driving each other crazy and we're reaching the end of our ropes.

As depressing and unpleasant as I'm sure I just made that sound, I have no interest in divorcing her and she doesn't want to divorce me, either. Believe me, we've discussed it. And it's not a situation where we're statying together just for the kids because we genuinely don't want to split, which makes less sense typing it than it does thinking about it. It's something that I've never been able to wrap my head around properly.

I know that if I managed to build a more active social life outside the home it would release some of the pressures that we put ourselves under. She has friends that she can go out with but in the last couple of years most of the poeple I hung out with sort of left town to seek out their fortunes west of nowhere (which is where I am stuck and remain for the forseeable future). I'm trying to build some relationships at work but it takes time and I'm also older than a lot of the poeple there so hanging out socially after work sometimes comes off as a little awkward. I'm pretty sure more than one of the girls at work were convinced at one point or another that I was making the moves on them in a less-than-platonic manner, which I can understand seeing as how I'm an older guy showing interest in a younger woman.

The guys at work are pretty decent, but we're not exactly at the socializing outside of work stage. I dunno, as much as I enjoy the company of men I still find that I get along better with women and tend to gravitate towards them socially.

I'm probably just digging myself a big ol' hole, and it's not to keep my mind from wandering, as Mr. McCartney would say.

There's been talk of hitting a movie with a couple of the girls from work so we'll see how that pans out first, I guess.

Goodnight and good luck.

C is for Cookie

Couple of interesting things happened today. One was a surprise, the other, not so much.

I'll start with the not-so-much because it'll be quick.

The wife and I had a fight again, like clockwork, when I got home from work. We're sort of trapped in this half-life where we only see each other before bed and since she wakes up earlier than I do, we go to bed at different times as well. Thus, instead of all the nice stuff coming out and appreciating each other in the short time we have around each other, we tend to get our frustrations out and argue.

*sigh*

On the other side of the coin, I got to work today and Abby makes a point of telling me she has something for me today. Yesterday, we actually talked for a few minutes after I finished my shift and before she finished hers (actually, I misrepresent that by not qualifying that there were two other people there for the conversation), but I didn't really think much of it. Then, like I just mentioned, she lays that on me as I walked into the lunch room to drop off my coat and punch in.

I didn't make a fuss of it or talk to her much today when she finally tracks me down before I leave for supper and she lays some oatmeal raisin cookies on me.

I'll give you a little background so that makes a little more sense to you.

My neighbour used to ask for my help with the odd computer problem that she had. I went over a couple of times to fix her machine and thought nothing of it. Later, usually when I was at work, she would come over with a plate of cookies, usually of the double-chocolate-fudge-nut-crumble-chunky-chocolate variety. Me, I'm an oatmeal raisin type of guy, so I used to joke to the wife that if she really wanted to say thanks, she would make some oatmeal raisin cookies and bring those over instead. Being a woman, I'm not at all surprised with the obsession this lady had with chocolate, it just wasn't something that we shared in common.

So, flash forward some ways and we have myself and Abby having this conversation where I'm describing this situation and she tells me that she'll bring me some cookies since I've been so hard done by over the years.

Nothing materialised for months, and with things deteriorating between us I never expected it to ever be so, but today she brings me cookies. About a half-dozen of them. Yummy ones, too.

*sigh*

I must go and ponder this.

Later!

Back to Work Day

Day's over and done with and I'm about 6 or 7 hours away from getting back to the grind for another four days. At least I have a Saturday off to look forward to.

Went over to my brother's place tonight to watch some shows but ended up talking about a whole bunch of stuff instead. It was mostly relationship stuff but we covered other interesting bits like the paralyzing fear I tend to experience whenever I consider making another short film or contributing to this blog in a honest and mostly unedited fashion, and we also managed to squeeze a little chat in on his new and budding relationship with a very nice woman he's recently met. I don't usually talk about really personal stuff with family members or spouses for various reasons, but I decided to break the rules tonight on the off chance that it might actually help to hear myself talk about some stuff that was bugging me about life, the universe and everything.

It actually started out of a conversation about this blog, to be honest. I was telling him about how it was nice to get a response from a random passerby and connecting on the "Abby" issue, but also how freaked out I was that someone ran across the 'secret blog' that is supposed to be hidden away from hidden, familial, prying eyes. I never realized that About a Boy is linked to through my profile page making it accessible to anyone who wanders through there. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that, but for the time being I've kind of committed myself to making an effort to using this blog in the way I originally intended, so I'm just going to look the other way on that one.

Neurotic, paranoid or just crazy, you tell me.

Anyway, the talk tonight was actually pretty cool because we talked about stuff I haven't really discussed with anyone before, especially those I'm related to. I'm generally used to being judged before I even say anything so it felt good to get a few things off my chest. It's a little late to get into any of them right now, but there's a good chance I may touch on some of them in a later post. Maybe when the courage to be candid gets a little bit stronger.

I think I'm going to do a little surfing and then I'm going to hit the sack.

Good night and good luck.

News From the Front

Just a small update on the whole "Abby-friend-in-need" thing for those who are keeping score.

Right after my last post things got really good for a little while but as of about 2 weeks ago or so I pretty much decided that, based on the reactions that I've been getting off 'Abby' for the last few weeks, the most prudent move would be to back off. The only thing worse than having someone asking for help and throwing it back in your face is trying to give them completely unsolicited help and trying to be that "be-there-for-you-guy" when it's more than likely not a welcome gesture. I mean, after all, they didn't ask for the help so why knock myself out offering it when I can't realistically expect anyone to be open to it?

Well, I do know the reason. It's because I'm an idealistic schmuck, but I digress.

All my efforts really did was strain the friendship so I had to back off, make myself less available and pretty much kept on keeping on. No more after work talks, no more coffee runs, no more listening to her talk about her life and family. Not without a direct signal to the contrary.

A bit to my surprise, 'Abby' made no effort to connect voluntarily after that so I guess it's pretty clear that the whole friendship was 90% me and an undetermined amount on her end (I'm leaving it open in case there were other forces that deserve a percent or 5 credit). I feel kind of burned but it's like when you're a kid and your mother tells you the oven is hot but you still have to stick your hand on the element to be sure.

Ah well, I have my own life to worry about, I don't have time to get mired in other peoples affairs if I'm not needed.

It's always frustrated me that becoming friends with someone is so analogous to dating, male or female. There's the meet-cute, the courtship, the dating, and sometimes it sticks while other times there's the dodged phone calls and hard feelings. And no matter how hard you try, it's often the ones you really want that turn you away. That's usually for the better, though, because a lot of times the one we want is not someone who is good for us and the universe will step in and sometimes provide the one you need to pick up the pieces.

I should do a little post script and say that on the other side of the "Abby" coin is a happy ending of sorts. A couple of other people at work (one who I've been friendly with for a while and another who I didn't think cared for me much but has suddenly showed a lot of interest) have sort of thrown themselves into the ring and have helped divert some attention from the situation. It looks like we might start some group hang-outs with some other folks from work so...

Onwards and upwards!